One of the most painful parts of abuse isn’t just the betrayal that happens behind closed doors—it’s what happens after. When the abuser, so skilled in manipulation and deception, begins to rewrite the story. When they paint themselves as the victim, you, the one who endured the pain in silence for so long, are cast as the villain.
This isn’t accidental; it’s intentional, and it’s part of the abuse.
Abusers don’t just harm in private—they also launch smear campaigns in public. They know how to twist narratives, fabricate half-truths, and tell just enough of a story to make themselves look wounded and noble while quietly dismantling your character behind your back. They weaponize their charm and social connections to discredit you, all while maintaining their image of righteousness.
They go to great lengths to turn people against you. Why? Because they need control. Even after you leave.
They don’t want people to see the truth. Because if the truth were seen, the mask would fall—and with it, the power they hold over others. So, they preemptively strike. They sow seeds of doubt before you even open your mouth. They spread rumors. They share “concerns.” They tell people you’re unstable, bitter, unforgiving, or even abusive yourself. They will use tears, Scripture, and false humility to garner sympathy—and most of the time, people believe them.
Because here’s the thing: abusers don’t look like abusers. They often look like kind, involved parents. They serve in churches. They say all the right things. They show up to community events with smiles and handshakes. They know exactly how to appear trustworthy, responsible, and gentle. And when they begin to subtly (or not-so-subtly) tarnish your name, people listen. Not because they’re evil—but because they don’t know better.
And in the process, you find yourself isolated. People stop calling. They unfollow you. You hear whispers. You get messages from mutual friends saying things like, “I don’t know what happened, but I just want peace,” or “I can’t take sides.”And suddenly, you’re grieving not just the abuse—but the loss of a community you thought would support you. The silence is deafening. The abandonment is cruel. The injustice is unbearable.
But it is not your fault.
This is what abusers do. It’s called DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. They deny what they’ve done, attack your credibility, and make themselves look like the wounded party. It’s a psychological tactic designed to confuse everyone watching, including you.
If you’re in this place—questioning your reality, wondering how so many people could believe the lies—know this: you are not alone. Many survivors have walked this same path. And while it’s excruciating, it’s also a sign that the abuser is losing their grip on you—so they’re working overtime to keep their grip on others.
They are afraid of the truth getting out, of losing the power they’ve built through deceit, and of being exposed if people knew the real story.
So they make sure to speak first, manipulate the narrative, and ensure that by the time you finally find the courage to speak up, people already doubt you.
But God sees it all.
He sees the lies. He sees the slander. He sees your effort to protect someone who never protected you. He sees the relationships you’ve lost—not because of who you are, but because of what someone else twisted about you.
And He will make it right.
Psalm 37:5-6 says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday.”
You don’t have to fight every lie. You don’t have to chase down every rumour. You don’t have to beg people to believe you.
Truth has a way of rising. And while the pain of the smear campaign feels unbearable, it will not last forever. Those who are meant to see will see in time. And those who were easily swayed were never meant to walk with you in this season of healing anyway.
If someone truly loves you, they won’t form an opinion about your story without talking to you directly. If they walk away without hearing your side, let them go. God is clearing the room.
Yes, abusers go to great lengths to turn people against you. But don’t forget—you walked through fire. You survived the storm. You carry a truth they cannot touch.
And no matter what anyone else believes, God knows the whole story. And in His time, so will the rest.
Survivor Speaks Truth 
Leave a comment