One of the oldest tricks in the abuser’s playbook is to shift the focus from their behaviour to their victim’s mental state.
“She has issues.”
“She needs help.”
“She overreacts.”
“She’s unstable.”
If you’ve ever heard a version of this—especially coming from someone who’s been accused of abuse—pause and pay attention. Because this narrative isn’t just damaging… it’s calculated.
Why Abusers Use This Tactic
When an abuser senses that their mask is slipping—that someone might start asking questions or that their victim may begin speaking out—they often try to discredit the victim preemptively. One of the most effective ways to do this? Question their mental health.
Because if they can convince others that you’re “crazy,” then your version of events doesn’t matter. If they can paint you as unstable, they never have to take responsibility for what they did.
It’s not just manipulation. It’s character assassination. And it’s cruel.
The Truth About Trauma
Trauma does affect mental health. When someone’s been gaslighted, lied to, manipulated, isolated, and abused—they may cry more easily. They may feel anxious. They may struggle with trust. They may seem “off” or “emotional.” And guess what? That’s not evidence of instability. That’s evidence of survival.
But abusers know how to weaponize the very symptoms they caused. They push you to the edge, then point to your reaction as the problem.
“See how she acts? This is why I had to leave.”She’s always been difficult.”She needs therapy.”
There is no mention of the years they chipped away at your sense of self. There is no mention of the lies, the betrayal, or the emotional whiplash. Just the neat, tidy version that makes them look like the rational one and you the wreck.
The Danger of Believing Only What You See
The person who appears calm and composed isn’t always innocent. And the person who is emotional, broken, or angry isn’t always unstable—they’re often telling the truth.
Abusers are often charming in public and cruel in private. They know how to perform. They know how to win people over. And they know that if they can get others to doubt your mental state, they don’t have to answer for what they did.
So they go on a quiet campaign: subtle comments, sighs of concern, and “just trying to help.” The real victim sits alone, wondering why no one believes them.
What You Can Do
If someone comes to you saying they were abused, don’t dismiss them because the other person seems “so nice” or “put together.” Don’t be quick to assume that emotional expression means instability. Listen. Ask questions. Be discerning.
And if you are the one who’s been labelled “crazy,”—you’re not alone.
You’re not crazy for crying. You’re not crazy for being angry. You’re not crazy for finally speaking up.
You’re human. You’ve been hurt. And you’re still standing, which proves your strength, not your weakness.
God Sees What People Can’t
People may be fooled by performance, but God is not. He sees what is done in secret, hears what is whispered in the dark, and is near the brokenhearted—not the ones who pretend to be whole while breaking others.
If you’ve been discredited, misjudged, or dismissed, know this: Your truth still matters. Your voice still matters. And healing is still possible—even after the world turned its back.
You don’t need to convince everyone. You don’t need to defend your sanity. You don’t need to carry their lies.
Let God be your defender. He sees, knows, and will bring justice in His perfect time.
Survivor Speaks Truth 
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