Don’t Fill the Void—Heal It

After walking through the heartbreak of abuse, it’s natural to long for something good, loving, and safe. When you’ve endured betrayal, deception, or loneliness, the desire for connection can feel overwhelming. You want to believe that the next relationship will make the pain fade, that love will somehow fix what was broken. The ache for companionship can be so intense that it feels like the only way forward. But here’s the truth: a new relationship is not a shortcut to healing.

When we’ve been deeply wounded, it’s easy to mistake loneliness for readiness. The silence of an empty room can feel unbearable, and the thought of having someone beside us again seems like it would cure the ache. We convince ourselves that if we can find the right person, this pain will finally disappear. Yet entering a relationship to avoid facing our pain only buries the wound deeper. It does not erase it. Instead of healing, the hurt lingers beneath the surface, and in time it resurfaces in unhealthy ways. Abuse leaves scars that cannot be covered by affection, attention, or romance. Healing requires time, intentional work, and the grace of God. Skipping that process doesn’t protect you; it only postpones it.

Taking the time to heal first matters more than many of us realize. Without it, we risk repeating the same patterns with a different face, cycling through relationships that leave us broken in familiar ways. Healing allows us to stop and reflect on what happened, see what we once could not, and learn how to build something different going forward. It also protects our hearts. A healed heart doesn’t demand someone else to complete it. Instead, it invites someone to complement what is already whole.

It’s tempting to see a new relationship as a way to distract from the pain, but distraction is not the same as restoration. Healing is not about avoidance—it’s about transformation. As difficult as it is, leaning into the discomfort allows us to discover who we are apart from abuse, apart from someone else’s control, and apart from the lies we once believed about ourselves. This is where the real work is done. Sitting with the grief, wrestling with the “what ifs,” and allowing God to meet us in those raw places—it all shapes us into people who are stronger, wiser, and more deeply anchored in truth. Facing those wounds directly is painful, but it is also where strength is forged and wisdom is gained.

The Bible reminds us that wholeness doesn’t come from another person but from God. Colossians 2:10 says, “You are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” When we seek healing in Him first, we release the impossible expectation for another human being to fill the spaces only God can fill. That shift allows any future relationship to be built on truth and freedom, not desperation or fear. Instead of clinging to someone else to prove we are lovable, we see that we already are. Instead of hoping someone else will mend what was broken, we discover that God is the healer of our hearts.

So if you find yourself tempted to step into something new too quickly, pause and ask: Am I running toward someone, or am I running away from my pain? Choosing to heal first is not wasted time—it is sacred time. It is the season where God restores what was broken, rewrites your identity in His truth, and prepares you for the love and life He has ahead. The waiting is not a punishment; it is protection. It is the careful work of the Father shaping you, strengthening you, and teaching you to stand firmly on His love alone.

You don’t need a new relationship to prove you are lovable—you are already loved. You don’t need someone else to complete you—you are already whole in Christ. And when the time is right, love will not be a bandage for your wounds. It will be a blessing added to your healing.