Abuse is Not a Therapy Issue: It’s a Sin Issue

When people hear the word “abuse,” they often picture counselling sessions, therapy rooms, and treatment plans. And while therapy is a vital part of healing for survivors, it’s essential to make one truth very clear: abuse itself is not a therapy issue. Abuse is not caused by unresolved trauma, mental illness, or emotional wounds that need treatment. Abuse is a deliberate choice rooted in the desire for power and control.

Abuse doesn’t happen because someone missed out on therapy or because they had a difficult past. Many people live with trauma, depression, anxiety, or painful childhoods and never choose to abuse others. Trauma may explain a person’s pain, but it does not excuse violent or controlling behaviour. When we frame abuse as a therapy problem, we unintentionally send the message that the abuser needs help and that with the proper counselling, their harmful behaviour will go away. The truth is, therapy might give an abuser new tools, but unless they choose to repent of their need to dominate and manipulate, those tools can make them more skilled at covering up what they are doing.

At its core, abuse is about one person exerting power and control over another—whether that control is physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or even spiritual. Therapy is designed to address wounds, but abuse requires accountability. To say abuse is a therapy issue is like telling the victim of a robbery that the thief just needed counselling. That minimizes the crime and shifts responsibility away from the person who chose to harm. In the same way, excusing abuse as a therapy problem takes the focus off the abuser’s actions and places it on circumstances, when in reality it is a moral decision.

This way of thinking also hurts victims. Survivors are often told to be patient while their abuser “works on themselves” or goes to counselling. This keeps them trapped in dangerous situations, hoping that therapy will change someone who has no intention of changing. It places pressure on them to wait it out and to keep being “understanding,” when what they really need is safety, validation, and a clear message that they are not responsible for another person’s choice to abuse them.

The proper role of therapy belongs to the survivor. After enduring abuse, many carry deep wounds, confusion, and trauma that require professional care and support. Therapy can help survivors rebuild trust, reclaim their voice, and find a path toward healing and freedom. But to suggest that the abuse itself is a therapy issue blurs the lines and reinforces harmful expectations. Survivors do not need to wait for their abuser to “get better.” They must begin their restoration journey apart from the person who harmed them.

What abuse requires is not excuses but accountability. Real change in an abuser only comes when they recognize their sin, repent of it, submit to accountability, and give up their need for control. That is not something therapy alone can create—it requires a complete moral and often spiritual transformation. Until then, boundaries, safety measures, and legal consequences are necessary in many cases. Abuse has never been a matter of poor communication, lack of coping skills, or untreated trauma. It is always a willful decision to harm.

Abuse is not a therapy issue—it is an accountability issue. Therapy can heal wounds, but cannot cure a heart that refuses to take responsibility for its actions. As a society, in our communities, and in our churches, we need to stop excusing abuse under the cover of therapy and start demanding accountability, while at the same time offering healing and hope to those who have suffered. Victims deserve protection, not more patience.