Love is supposed to be a safe place. A shelter. A home for the soul. But what happens when the very love you’ve poured into someone begins to chip away at who you are?
Not all love feels like warmth and safety. Sometimes, love feels like walking on eggshells, holding your breath, and shrinking yourself to keep the peace. Sometimes, loving someone deeply becomes the very thing that breaks you.
You give. You hope. You try. You hold on longer than you should because you believe in their potential. You replay the good times in your mind like a highlight reel to justify staying, even though the reality has shifted. Even though you’re no longer smiling the same. Even though the tears have become more frequent than the laughter.
And you wonder if this is what love is supposed to feel like.
Healthy love does not require the erosion of your self-worth. It doesn’t demand silence in the face of mistreatment. It doesn’t punish you for having needs, emotions, or boundaries. Yet too many of us stay in relationships where love has become a battleground. We make excuses—“They didn’t mean it,” “They’ve had a hard life,” “If I just love them harder, they’ll change.” But here’s the truth: real love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself.
If the love you’re in is causing chronic anxiety, confusion, pain, or self-doubt, it’s not love—it’s a trap dressed up as loyalty. Yes, love will challenge you. Relationships take work. But the kind of work that builds, not breaks. The type that deepens connection, not silences your voice. Love should never require you to betray yourself to keep someone else. You should not have to apologize for asking to be treated with respect. You should not have to compromise your peace to avoid an argument. You should not have to suppress your truth so they feel more comfortable living in denial.
You’re not too much. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not asking for the impossible. You’re asking for love that reflects care, effort, kindness, and mutual respect, and that is not too much.
There is a high cost to staying where your soul is withering. Your health suffers, your confidence diminishes, you start questioning your intuition, and you may even lose sight of your purpose. You try to be strong. You say things like, “Love endures all things,” because you’ve been taught that staying is noble, that leaving is selfish, that forgiveness means tolerance, that hope means never letting go. But you must remember: endurance is not the same as self-abandonment.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is walk away. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and them—is to release what’s destroying you.
You were created with dignity, purpose, and value. And any relationship that consistently undermines your worth is not of God, no matter how much you once prayed for it. It is not your job to fix someone committed to staying broken. It is not your responsibility to be their emotional caretaker, their punching bag, or their excuse to avoid growth.
Love is not pain management. You are not a martyr for staying in dysfunction. You are not unfaithful for choosing healing over chaos.
Letting go doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It means you finally started loving yourself, too.
It means you’ve come to the realization that love should not cost you your peace, sanity, or soul. It means you’ve grown tired of apologizing for someone else’s inability to meet you with the same depth you gave them.
If love breaks you, it’s okay to stop trying to prove your worth. It’s okay to stop carrying a relationship that was never meant to rest entirely on your shoulders. It’s okay to say, “This is not love, and I deserve better.”
You deserve a love that hears, protects, sees, and uplifts you. A love that brings out the best in you, not one that leaves you constantly trying to heal from it.
So if you’re in that place today—quietly breaking behind closed doors while trying to hold it all together—please hear this:
You are allowed to walk away from what is breaking you. You are allowed to choose healing, hope, and peace. You are allowed to outgrow what once felt like love but now only feels like pain.
Because loving someone should never cost you yourself.
Survivor Speaks Truth 