When we talk about children and abuse, most people only picture harm directed at a child, but what often goes unnoticed is the profound impact of a child witnessing one parent abuse the other. Even if a child is never touched or yelled at, growing up in a home where one parent is hurting the other is a trauma that leaves invisible scars.
Children see more than we realize. They hear the slammed doors, feel the tension in the air, and sense the fear beneath the surface. Watching their mother or father be mistreated by someone they’re supposed to trust is devastating. It shakes their foundation, warps their understanding of love, and makes them question what’s safe and what’s not.
An abuser might say, “I’d never hurt the kids.” But the moment you harm their parent, you already have. You can’t separate the two. That parent is their safe place, their source of comfort. When that person is being torn down, the child feels it in their body and carries it in their heart.
Some kids act out, some shut down. Some grow up believing love means control, apologies don’t require change, or that silence is safer than truth. Even years later, those messages shape their relationships, self-worth, and healing.
When a child witnesses the abuse of someone they love, it is just as damaging as direct abuse. It may not leave physical bruises, but it leaves lasting emotional wounds. Children internalize the chaos, blame themselves for the pain they see, and grow up with deep-rooted fears and insecurities. Their nervous systems learn to expect conflict and instability. And even when they’re not the target, they absorb every insult, every silent treatment, every slammed door. The message becomes clear: love is loud, scary, and unsafe.
These children may grow into adults who struggle with boundaries, self-worth, and trust. They may find themselves drawn to unhealthy relationships, not because they want pain, but because it feels familiar. What they saw in childhood becomes the blueprint for giving and receiving love. That’s why it’s so important not only to stop the abuse but to heal the silent wounds it leaves behind.
If we want to raise healthy children who feel loved and safe, we must protect them from the trauma of witnessing abuse. Even if the harm isn’t directed at them, seeing one parent hurt wounds them deeply. A child cannot feel secure when their world is built on fear.
Survivor Speaks Truth 