If you’ve ever walked out of a counselling session, church office, or a therapy appointment feeling worse than when you walked in—ashamed, confused, or even invalidated, you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.
What you likely encountered was someone uninformed, not trauma-informed.
For survivors of abuse, especially emotional, relational, or spiritual trauma, this difference is everything. The person you turn to for help can be a lifeline or another layer of harm.
A trauma-informed counsellor, pastor, or therapist understands that trauma doesn’t just live in memories; it lives in the body, the nervous system, and the choices we make. They know that trauma affects the way we connect, feel, react, and think. They listen without rushing to fix. They validate instead of minimizing. They walk gently, knowing it’s difficult for you to trust.
A trauma-informed person will never question the reality of your experience because it doesn’t “sound that bad.” They’ll never pressure you to reconcile with someone who harmed you. They won’t use Scripture as a weapon or suggest that forgiveness means you must return to your abuser. They understand that emotional, physical, and spiritual safety must come first.
On the other hand, someone who is uninformed may mean well. But they often cause more harm than good. They might tell you to “pray harder,” “submit more,” or “just forgive and move on.” They might ask what you did to contribute to the situation. They might encourage you to preserve the relationship at all costs, even when that cost is your well-being. And they might do it all with a smile, believing they’re helping.
But they’re not. What they’re doing is adding shame to pain. Silencing a voice that’s only just begun to speak. Asking a survivor to make peace with something that nearly destroyed them.
The truth is, no matter how kind or well-intentioned someone is, if they’re not trauma-informed, they can’t fully support someone who is healing from trauma because trauma requires more than kindness. It requires awareness, discernment, education, humility, and wisdom. And a willingness to unlearn the harmful narratives passed down for generations, especially in faith spaces.
Trauma-informed support recognizes that you are the expert of your own story. It empowers you to trust your instincts. It allows space for your questions, healing process, and boundaries. It does not guilt or rush you. It honours that you are still here and survived what was meant to destroy you.
And that survival deserves more than platitudes. It deserves compassion, safety and truth.
So if you’ve ever felt dismissed by someone you turned to for help, please hear this: it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t expect too much. You didn’t exaggerate. You weren’t being dramatic. You needed someone who understood the weight you were carrying. Someone who can hold space without trying to fill it. Someone trauma-informed.
And they do exist.
You don’t have to stay in spaces where your pain is misunderstood or minimized. You deserve better. You deserve support that sees you, believes you, and walks gently beside you on the long road to healing.
Choose safe people. And when you find them, hold onto them—because trauma may have shaped your story, but it does not get to decide the ending.
Survivor Speaks Truth 