Survivor Speaks Truth

Tag: Trust Your Gut

  • The Danger of Ignoring Red Flags

    When we enter a new relationship, most want to believe the best in their partner. We long for connection, love, and someone who will see us fully and stay. In those early days, it feels natural to give grace, to excuse quirks, and to overlook small things that make us uneasy. After all, everyone has flaws, and no relationship is perfect. Love itself calls us to be forgiving and patient. But there is a line between showing grace and ignoring warning signs. When we begin excusing patterns that chip away at our peace, we risk walking straight into harm.

    Red flags rarely come waving boldly in our faces. More often, they arrive quietly, disguised as something harmless: a harsh tone quickly softened by a smile, a controlling comment explained as “just looking out for you,” a lie smoothed over with a charming excuse. At the time, those moments may seem insignificant compared to the affection and attention we are receiving. Yet the truth is that what we minimize in the beginning often becomes the very behaviour that wounds us most deeply later. Ignoring a red flag doesn’t make it disappear—it plants it like a seed, giving it room to grow.

    Many survivors of abuse can look back with heartbreaking clarity and identify the signs they didn’t recognize at the time. They remember the uneasy feelings they brushed aside, the times they justified what didn’t sit right, the way they silenced their intuition to keep the peace. But in the moment, it isn’t so clear. The pull of attachment, hope, and love, has a way of drowning out that still, small voice whispering, “Something is not right here.” We tell ourselves we’re being judgmental, too sensitive, or unforgiving. We remind ourselves of all the good moments, replaying them like a highlight reel, convincing ourselves that love will eventually outweigh the shadows. We believe the other person will change, mature, or soften with time. But ignoring what unsettles us doesn’t produce change—it only enables destructive patterns to take deeper root.

    The cost of overlooking red flags can be devastating. What begins as small acts of disrespect can evolve into ongoing patterns that erode our sense of worth. A dismissive laugh at our concerns can grow into systematic gaslighting that leaves us questioning our sanity. What looks like “overprotectiveness” initially may become full-blown isolation from family, friends, and support systems. A minor inconsistency in someone’s story can develop into a web of deception and lies. In too many cases, those subtle early signs become precursors to more overt forms of abuse—emotional, financial, physical, sexual, or spiritual. Each time we excuse or rationalize unhealthy behaviour, we unintentionally send the message that it is acceptable. And abusers thrive on that silence.

    Scripture warns us about this very danger. Proverbs 22:3 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Discernment is a biblical command. Jesus Himself told us to watch for wolves in sheep’s clothing, explaining that they would be known by their fruit, not their words (Matthew 7:15–16). Words can be deceptive, but consistent actions reveal the truth. God does not ask us to ignore reality in the name of love. He calls us to test what we see, to guard our hearts, and to walk in wisdom.

    Recognizing red flags doesn’t mean we are judgmental or unloving. It means we value truth over illusion. It means we are willing to see people as they are, not as we wish them to be. There is a difference between showing grace and enabling harm. True grace does not ignore destructive patterns; it acknowledges them and seeks wisdom in responding. Sometimes wisdom means creating space, setting clear boundaries, or slowing down. Other times it means walking away altogether.

    If you are in a relationship and you sense red flags, don’t silence that warning. That uneasiness may be God’s way of protecting you. It is far better to pause, to seek counsel, or to step back than to spend years trying to untangle yourself from a web of abuse. Love that God-honouring, healthy, and safe, will never demand that you ignore your instincts or compromise your peace to keep it alive.

    Red flags are not meant to make you paranoid. They are intended to safeguard you. When you listen to them, you give yourself the gift of choosing health, love, and safety. Ignoring them only leads to confusion, heartache, and loss. But heeding them opens the door to freedom, peace, and relationships rooted in mutual care, respect, and trust.

    At the end of the day, red flags are not roadblocks to love—they are guideposts pointing you away from danger and toward the kind of relationship God desires for you: one marked not by control, deception, or fear, but by trust, safety, and a love that reflects His own.

  • Trust Your Gut — It’s There for a Reason

    We tell our children to trust their gut and then scold them when they try to do just that.

    We say, “Speak up if something feels off,” but when they hesitate around someone or try to set a boundary, we rush to smooth things over, make excuses, or pressure them to be polite.

    We tell them, “Always listen to that inner voice,” but then model the opposite, ignoring our own, rationalizing away discomfort, and second-guessing ourselves until guilt wins.

    And so they learn that honouring your gut might make you seem rude. That being uncomfortable isn’t enough of a reason to say no. That intuition needs to be explained, ignored, or justified.

    But the truth is, discomfort doesn’t always come with proof, unease doesn’t always have a name, and peace doesn’t always make sense on paper.

    We need to stop teaching our children and ourselves that intuition is something to be silenced or reasoned away.

    Sometimes, your body knows what your mind hasn’t figured out yet. And trusting that? That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

    Because not trusting your gut can have devastating consequences.

    That quiet unease you felt? It wasn’t just nothing. The hesitation, the tight feeling in your chest, or the sense that something was off, was trying to protect you.

    But so often, we ignore it. We tell ourselves we’re overthinking. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We choose politeness over peace. We excuse, override, and rationalize the warning signs our body and spirit are waving in front of us.

    And sometimes, we pay the price.

    Not trusting your gut doesn’t always lead to something catastrophic, but when it does, it’s a pain that lingers. A regret that whispers, “You knew.”

    Your gut doesn’t always come with a reason, but it comes with wisdom. It doesn’t always speak loudly, but it tells the truth.

    Honour and trust your gut, even if it makes you seem cautious, even if it means disappointing someone or is inconvenient.

    Because the cost of ignoring it is far greater than the discomfort of listening to it.

    There’s something powerful and deeply personal about that quiet voice inside us. It doesn’t shout. It nudges and whispers, but often, we’re taught to silence it in favour of logic, politeness, or other people’s comfort.

    But here’s the truth: your gut is a God-given gift. It’s not just instinct, it’s often your body’s way of sounding the alarm before your mind catches up. And when something or someone feels “off,” that feeling isn’t random. It’s a signal worth paying attention to.

    I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that it’s far better to err on the side of caution than to override your gut and live with regret. Too many of us have ignored that inner discomfort only to look back and say, “I knew something wasn’t right.” Please don’t dismiss it, whether in a relationship, a business deal, a conversation, or even a subtle energy shift when someone enters a room.

    Your gut instinct isn’t always logical or easy to articulate. But it’s still valid. You don’t owe anyone proof to justify how you feel. You’re allowed to make decisions that protect your peace, even if others don’t understand.

    This isn’t about walking around in fear or suspicion; it’s about walking in wisdom. Wisdom often starts with honouring those subtle cues that say, “Something doesn’t feel right here.”

    Sometimes, your gut will lead you away from danger you can’t yet see. Other times, it will remind you of boundaries you didn’t realize you needed to set. Either way, it’s there to serve you. It’s not weakness. It’s discernment. It’s self-protection. And it’s okay to listen.

    If a person makes you feel unsettled, don’t force a connection. If a situation brings anxiety, pause before you proceed. If your heart pulls you in a different direction, permit yourself to follow it.

    You are not being overly sensitive. You are being in tune.

    Trust your gut, honour what it tells you, and never apologize for choosing peace over pressure.